okay, so i know nobody will give two fucks about this. but i really need to vent to someone..so i guess i’ll just vent to whoever reads this? anyways, i wanna die. bad way to start out huh? but its true. i wonder everyday as to why im kept here on this place people like to call earth, yet i call it “the never ending hell hole”, because of how ive been picked on since i was 5? the first time i said i wanted to kill myself was when i was 5. no joke! im almost 14 now, & this has been going on for 9 years. & im exhausted from this bullshit. & now i have a terrible reputation because of all the stuck up bitches that think theyve done absolutely nothing wrong in life. i can admit to the shit ive done wrong in my life, but almost everyone i know, cant. its like life or death for them. like wtf bro? so, ive turned to heavy metal, it doesnt make me anymore depressed than i already am. it cant get no worse than it is now. heavy metal like scream etc. is my motivation to fight through my everyday obstacles. i play piano & sing. just to get away from cutting myself, & attempting suicide. ive been through so many therapy sessions that i know all i need to know. & NO, im not just putting this out here for attention! im putting it out here just because i need to vent! i honestly dont need any attention or any sympathy what so ever. i dont care whether i get any of that or not. it really doesnt make any difference to me. anyways, everyone calls me a whore, etc etc. for no reason. everyone i know has lost their virginity at this age or younger, so why call me a whore all over the internet, face-to-face, texting, & phone calls, whenever youve done the same thing ive done?! it makes NO sense! people are SO stupid. i swear! ive even gone atheist before because God never seemed to answer my prayers til one day, i knew i was being too stupid to realize that he answers my prayers whenever i dont realize it, & its usually never what i ask for, but he knows BEST & he knows what i NEED rather than want. because my wants may not be what i truly need. ya know, ive been beat, ive ran away from home, been yelled at to my face, been lied to, cheated on, backstabbed, raped & heart broken many times than i should be at this age. it makes me stronger in a way. but yet, it hurts. i hate life, everything about myself, literally everything, & mostly MYSELF. period. it seems as if i live for no reason. i wonder why im even here. why have i not killed my fat ugly ass self by now? i dont know why. maybe its because im just waiting for a miracle to happen. maybe God will bring me “happiness”. ive never never been “happy” before, not even once in my life! so i wouldnt know what it feels like, or the definition of that word. pretty sad huh? im depressed outa my mind! NOTHING EVER MAKES ANY SENSE! I WANNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! IM SO ALONE!

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